Mommy Dearest....

The weekend is here and I can just imagine how long the next two days will be at home with Mother.  I believe she's working at the funeral home tonight and tomorrow.  Not 100% sure.  But I"m crossing my fingers anyways. 

Just having her mope around the house making her faces is awful.  She is a very sour, bitter, miserable woman.  And that's soooo very sad.

This latest episode began Saturday of last week.  Her uncle died and his funeral was that day.  So I woke up, went to say good morning to her and the conversation that followed was awful.

I asked what time we were leaving and she looked at me all surprised and answered that SHE was leaving at 12:30, she didn't know what my plans were.  I said MY plans?  I thought we were going to the funeral together.  She says it's her family and she didn't feel I'd want to be there. Was I planning on going?  I said yes, it IS a family thing which is the reason I'm asking so we can get ready and go.

She replied again that SHE was leaving at 12:30.  I said fine, then you do that.  So I went and put on my cleaning clothes and started cleaning house.  She follows me around and throws a shit fit because I"m not getting ready to go to the funeral.  I said why?  You've made me feel unwelcome, unneeded, so why bother?  She said well you could go, I just didn't see why you'd want to.  I said for the way you're acting now, you have made me quite clear that you don't need me there.

At his point daddy hears and comes to ask her what the problem is.  Why is she acting the way she?  She said nothing, just didn't know what her plans were. Why were you going too?  So now daddy's standing there in shock and says what are you thinking?

A fight broke out at this point where she looked at him and said just wait your funeral's next and I won't be there.  You could have knocked me over with a fucking feather.  I looked at her and said how dare you.  You've done some pretty low and mean things, but you just topped yourself right there.

She quickly realized what she said.  Thankfully daddy did not catch it.  She said well it could happen to any of us.  I said no, you wished it on someone and told them they were next, you've crossed the line.

The fight kept going.  It's been a week now.  I had to run daddy to the er because his blood pressure was too high.  But he calmed down.  Mother's apparently has been doing the same.  She's been yelling at people on the phone, screaming that her blood pressure medicine has not been called in to the pharmacy, she's gonna have a stroke and on and on and on.

I'm supposed to be going to a party tonight with a friend, but I don't see how I can.  I don't see leaving Lil Man and daddy alone with her.  Not under these circumstances. There's no way.  I can't go and trust her not to do something.  It's not worth it.  I'd rather be at home and make sure the boys are fine than to see her try something and one of them have another episode.

So here I sit, once again not knowing which way to go.  My weight has spiraled out of control. I can hear myself wheezing and breathing heavy in a complete state of rest.  We're all suffering now and there's not alot I can do about it.