New beginnings....

Happy new year, everyone! Wow, amazing what a month or so does and brings with is, isn't it?

The last week I've done lots of thinking, reminiscing and come to some realizations.

If you were to ask me am I happy, I'd prolly tell you yes.  But deep down inside I know I"m not.  My life isn't where I want it to be right now. There's pieces still missing. There's fear still lying underneath. There's lots of little things that need to be changed and/or corrected for me to be happy again. I'm just not happy with myself in general.

It's a new year and time to change. Lil Man is going to graduate in a few months. The last few years since the divovrce have all been lived for him and with him in mind. I think it's time I start taking control of myself and my life again and do things for me.

Step one, my hair. I've screwed with it enough in the last year to last me for the next 5. So I"m letting it grow, I have a natural "stress spot" that comes out.  If I let it grow out it will be a natural grey streak right at the crown going to the left. I've always colored it when I cover my grey's but I"m stopping. It's mine and I should be proud of it. It's already looking good.  I'm also letting my hair grow out.  I want to see how it'll look long with the grey streak.  So that's what I"m doing.

Step two, my weight. I've put on about 25 pounds since I left da *gasp* evil place in May. I feel awful.  Never in my life have I been at the weight I am now. I think I've been doing pretty welll at hiding it.  But winter will come to an end and I can't cover up in sweats and jackets anymore. So starting tomorrow I'm putting myself on a diet. I'm following along with what a friend has been doing and it's worked for her. Once I get the first lil bit off, I'mma start exercising, start working on getting myself in shape. I have to do this for me to be healthy, for me to be happy and to be around for Lil Man and the next phase of his life.

Step three, a man. Geeeezus, who'd of ever thought I'd be pushing 40 and be alone at this stage. I'm tired of the losers I've been finding.  The idiots, dumbasses, wannabe's. Tired of all of them.  I think I've been settling, but I also think I've been looking too hard. Like I've reached a point where I'm desperate to find someone and then I get to finding flaws that I won't be happy with him. I'm going to quit trying. If someone comes along great, if not, oh well.  Keep going.

I guess the point is I'm taking charge and I'm taking priority now.  Me, myself and I. I'm what's important and I need to take care of myself.

So those are my 3 steps. Now sticking with them is the biggie.  Will I do it?  I dunno.  Can I do it?  yes, I can.

Tomorrow's a new day, a new beginning. Perfect time to start...